The bullsh*t of finding balance.

Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling overwhelmed, tired and cranky a common response to your predicament is “you need to find balance.” Go into any self-help aisle, do an internet search or ask a career expert how to turn around your chaotic lifestyle and let me know, if at some point, you don’t hear the phrase work-life balance. I’ll admit. I’m guilty of uttering those words too, but no more. I call bullsh*t.

Balance is the idea that life is like a set of scales. You put one thing on the right and another thing on the left and… Voila! You achieve balance. Equal proportions: Right? Wrong. It’s an illusion. Life does not hand out rewards at the same rate as disasters or vice versa. I can think back on several different points in my life where one shitty thing after another happened and I prayed that the old adage “it happens in threes” was true, because I did not think I could take one more low blow.

And let me tell you, in those shitty moments, the scales were looking pretty lopsided and not in my favor. And that’s the key, yes? In my favor. When the scales are lopsided but as a result of wonderful, good things happening, do I complain? Oh no! I only want balance when I am suffering. When things are going well, I don’t care about concepts like equal or fair.

Balance also implies that all we have to do is make an adjustment here or there and soon everything will become more manageable. Tell that to people who are watching a sick loved one die or living in a war zone or don’t know where their next meal will come from and see if they can readily identify a few simple adjustments to tip the scales into balance.

The reality is sometimes life is harsh and scary and unfair and no amount of shifting is going to bring things back into balance – at least not immediately. Sometimes we have to work 60 hours a week or stay up all night with a sick child or foreclose on our house because the alternative is untenable or impossible. In those moments of overwhelm, the only thing that keeps me going is to go with the flow.

Going with the flow does not mean that I abdicate responsibility for situations or choices. I do not advocate passivity, giving up, or apathy. Going with the flow means acknowledging the currents of life. Sometimes life is like floating in a gentle, warm sea – peaceful and content. Other times life is like being hit by a tsunami and the best you can do is not drown. Going with the flow means you may find yourself in stagnant water,and then at other times, in a brisk moving river, but regardless, you are in the moment negotiating what is happening.

When you view life as a flow, then the focus becomes on responding to what is going on with the resources you have – both internal and external. Your response can be a simple acknowledgment of what you are noticing or your response can be more obvious like a call for help. While there are many ways to respond, the focus shifts to being in the moment opposed to creating a work-life balance or any other balance for that matter.

I invite you to experiment with the concept “going with the flow” by:

  1. Paying attention to where you are in any giving moment
  2. Honoring what is happening
  3. Choosing how you want to use your energy

As you play with this practice, feel free to share your experiences in the comments below or in a private email to me. I would love to hear what you notice and how this practice impacts you.
In the flow,

Kim Bushore-Maki



I can hear her breathing

“Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”
~ Arundhati Roy, War Talk

Another world is on her way. She is slowly coming into being. She is listening to your thoughts and watching your actions. She is waiting to see what you choose.

Every day, you have choices. How you spend your dollars, treat others, and use your time: all are your choices. The opinions you form, the feelings you harbor and the actions you take create the world around you. What kind of world are you creating? What kind of world could we create together?

Imagine a world where fear is greeted with compassion and understanding, where differences are celebrated and where resources are shared. A world where land, water and air is protected, where health services are given freely and no one is denied shelter, food or dignity.

This world is possible despite the newsfeed which primarily highlights violence, ignorance and greed. News outlets capitalize on fear and are sustained by a lack mentality. In order for this kind of news to sell, one must believe there is not enough… of anything and more of whatever is better. You pick the story you want to read. What story do you pick?

You are invited to see the world through the lens of enough: a lens which acknowledges what you have as well as acknowledges your own worth. When you believe that you have enough and that you are enough, you can both give and receive with ease. This belief is called sufficiency and is a necessary ingredient to creating “another world.”

Take time today to get quiet and focus on what you do have and what you are capable of creating. I bet, once you do, you will hear her quietly breathing.

Kim Bushore-Maki



What does it mean to take responsibility for your own happiness?

Today I sat in a circle with some incredible women. Each one of us had a story to share. Some stories were about loss and new beginnings. Other stories were about anger and forgiveness. And some stories were about outrageous acts of kindness and courage.

Each story was an opportunity to see a part of myself in another: to recognize that I am not alone in my struggles or in my triumphs. Today’s circle reminded me that loss and love are universal and much easier to bear when shared with people who dare to open their hearts. I am so grateful to each woman who showed up. Thank you.

Opening your heart is risky. It means letting others know what matters to you. Opening your heart means you can no longer pretend you are neutral. It means taking a stance. Either you love someone or you don’t. Either you agree or you don’t. Either you believe in the cause or you don’t.

When you choose to live with an open heart, you also choose to take responsibility for your own happiness. You no longer wait for another person to make a decision or the scales to reach a magic number or your bank account to have a certain amount. Happiness no longer is about having the right mate or the well-adjusted, financially independent, adult child or receiving the recognition and praise you deserve. Although all of these outcomes are nice to have, they are dependent upon other people and factors outside of your control. (Yes, your children are out of your control, especially your adult children.)

So what does it mean to take responsibility for your own happiness?

Taking responsibility for your own happiness means you no longer believe happiness is a final outcome but rather you believe happiness is a by-product of doing what you know to be true for you. For example, you pick a career path that is meaningful to you opposed to following a career path designed by someone else. (By the way, there is no guarantee that the first career you pick is the right one or the right one forever and ever. Give yourself permission to change your mind.) Another example is you leave a relationship which you find unfulfilling, or worse, harmful to your well-being. (Once again, a relationship that works well now may not be a good fit 5,10, 25 years down the road. You are not a static creature and neither is the other person. People can and do grow apart.)

Okay, you might be thinking, these examples are rather obvious and besides they don’t apply to me anyway. Give me more relevant examples. I can and I will but let me just share that as obvious as the previous examples are I meet people every week who still make big decisions, like career and relationship, based on OTHER people’s expectations.

On a less monumental scale, but when added up make a difference, every-day decisions like where or what to eat, what weekend activity to do, and how to spend money impact your happiness. If you frequently abdicated these decisions either by omission (never voicing an opinion) or by commission (acquiescing to another), then you become dependent on other’s for your own happiness. You also have a convenient person to blame if you don’t like the decision: a paradigm which creates victims and martyrs. (Are those the roles that you want to assume?)

To come back full circle (pun intended), today’s circle of women reminded me that when women gather to share their stories, they are in essence saying: “I trust you to see my heart.” We share our stories, not because we want someone to fix us or find a solution to our problems, rather we share our stories because we want to be heard and we want to connect.

Loss and love are universal and much easier to bear when shared with people who dare to open… Click To Tweet

Sharing stories is the feminine way of open-heart living and is a key ingredient to happiness. I recently created a new circle where women’s stories are shared and valued. This opportunity is called Cultivating Shakti and it begins on October 31.

To get all the details, as well as to receive extra gifts, I recommend you sign up for the FREE Choosing Happiness Summit hosted by Katrine Horn. Katrine kindly asked me to join her summit and to provide a special offer to all summit participants. (That’s why my new program Cultivating Shakti is cheaper for all who sign up for the Choosing Happiness Summit.) Join me and other delightful speakers as we share strategies and tips for creating a happy life. The Summit begins on October 13, so sign up now and block your schedule in advance. You won’t want to miss the amazing folks Katrine has lined up.

In the meantime, I invite you to make one decision which completely reflects what you know to be true for you. Trust your heart to know what you want: your very happiness is dependent upon it.

With an open heart,

The Next Step

In the early morning hours,
before the sun rises and my people wake,
I like to sit quietly in front of my altar and connect.

Connect to the well of wisdom that resides deep inside me,
to a source as an ancient as time,
to the universal web that leaves no loose ends and
constantly expands

and expands

and expands.

In this seat of silent contemplation,
I understand that I am not alone
that what I say and do matters
that I have what I need to take the next step.

It is this certainty – this knowing
that steadies my resolve when I am shaken and reminds me
to trust in what I cannot see but know is there.

Kim Bushore-Maki



Low self-worth is the direct outcome of the degradation of the feminine.

I just guided a retreat for 9 amazing women. We spent 3 days in the woods, enjoying each other’s company, eating delicious food, and connecting with the feminine. It was a magical time where both laughter and tears flowed in and among us.

During this weekend each woman was asked to connect to her Wild Woman: the ancient energy of the Creatrix – the Life-Death-Life bringer, the source of our wisdom.

The Wild Woman is our feminine soul who gives us energy to protect what is ours and to give what is needed.

Each one of us has a Wild Woman. What differs, I have found, is how well acquainted we are with our Wild Woman and how willing we are to connect with her.

In a world where the masculine is honored and venerated to the point where the feminine is devalued, acknowledging and nurturing our feminine soul may feel like a foreign concept if not a dangerous one.

The possibility of people not liking, or even worse, not respecting the choice to live a more fully connected life to the feminine is real.

We see this disrespect in the way that women are treated in the work place, in politics, in court rooms and at home. The disproportionate amount of women who are harassed, who experience sexual violence, who live in poverty and who provide the majority of child care and housework proves the point. Our culture continues to endorse very specific roles for women and men: to the detriment of both.

If you doubt what I am saying, then listen closely to how we speak of women running for political office, women competing in athletics, or women working outside the home. Notice how often a woman’s appearance is mentioned versus her ability. Pay attention to the words we use to describe a woman we do not like as well as the words we use for a woman whom we admire. What virtues do women get the most compliments for? Conversely listen to how we praise and shame men. Our culture likes to show respect to men by emphasizing their masculine traits, e.g., “That took real balls!” and to shame men by saying they are like women, e.g., “Don’t be a pussy.”

The glorification of the masculine to the point of devaluing the feminine impacts everyone and everything. This imbalance shows in the way we treat each other, the Earth, animals and most importantly ourselves. Even those of us who are aware of this imbalance are still weeding out old messages that say, “Masculine is good. Feminine is bad.”

Which is why I am so compelled to provide safe spaces for folks to heal and to connect with the feminine.

Out of the nine women who went on retreat with me, each one – each one, said they questioned their worth at one point in time.

While this confession deeply saddens me, it does not surprise. For I too have doubted my value and questioned whether I deserved something good. Low self-worth is the direct outcome of the degradation of the feminine. When a culture does not value both the masculine and the feminine, girls are taught they are not as worthy as boys and boys are taught to devalue the feminine and both suffer as a result.

To hold space this past weekend for women was an honor and a privilege. To witness women connect with a deeper knowing and to each other was beautiful. Now each woman knows she has sisters, who not only support her work of healing the feminine, but are doing the work along side her. That, my friends, is powerful and comforting.

No one is doing this work alone. No one.

You, too, are part of the sisterhood. Maybe we haven’t met yet, but your sisters can feel you. We know what you long for because we long for it too. Your sisters hold space for your healing and for your joy. We want you – all of you. We are waiting for you with arms open wide and a big smile on our face.

I invite you to reach out and share your story. Let us know about your connection to the Wild Woman. How does the Creatrix dance in your life? Your sisters are listening…

With arms open wide and a big smile,
Kim Bushore-Maki